Opening Day: Who’s On First?

Rick Kaplan
Staff Writer

OAKLAND – Nomar Garciaparra is playing first now? For the Dodgers? Am I crazy? I thought the Cubs just got the former all-star shortstop from the Red Sox, and to play third base at that.

It doesn’t seem very long ago that the Red Sox brought in Cabrera to replace him at short.

But Cabrera plays third for the Marlins now. Oh, wait, that’s Orlando Cabrera. Miguel Cabrera plays short for the Angels. Doesn’t he?

Click below for more!That’s right. Now I remember. Edgar Renteria replaced him on the Red Sox. But isn’t Renteria playing for the Braves now? At least he was last week.

Let’s get this straight. At one point not very long ago, Edgar Renteria left the Cards to play short for the Red Sox, where Cabrera was. Orlando Cabrera left the Red Sox to play short for the Angels, taking Eckstein’s place. And David Eckstein left the Angels to play Renteria’s spot for the Cards. Get it?

But didn’t I just say that Renteria is the Braves’ shortstop? So, what happened to Rafael Furcal? Send out a search party.

Where are Abbott and Costello now that we need them?

From 1974-1982, for eight seasons, the Dodgers had the same four infielders, Steve Garvey at first, Davey Lopes at second, Bill Russell at short, and the Penguin, Ron Cey, at third.

In 2006, the Red Sox will begin the season with not a single returning regular in their infield. Let’s see, hmmm, there’s Alex Gonzalez – that Alex Gonzalez or the other Alex Gonzalez? – at short, Mike Lowell at third . . . Hey, wait a minute, this is starting to sound like the Florida Marlins infield.

That’s because there are no more Florida Marlins. They are all now Mets and Cubs and Twins and Bosox, except for Miguel Cabrera. Isn’t he the Angels’ shortstop though? No, wait, I meant Orlando.

A fan could get really mixed up.

I was talking to a friend, a virtual baseball historian who can give you the pitch sequence on any Orlando Cepeda at-bat during the 1962 season (including spring training).

But he doesn’t know who is playing right field for the Giants on Opening Day in 2006. Now, his habit is to bide his time until April 1. He then goes out and gets the paper and starts working the box scores like a crossword puzzle. By the end of the first road trip he has usually filled in all the blanks.

It’s a different ballgame today. A team wins the World Series and by the spring, they are rebuilding.

Letting Frank Thomas leave is one thing. But does anyone know where Aaron Rowand is? The last I remember, the acrobatic centerfielder was soaked with bubbly and hugging Chisox wizard Ken Williams in the locker room following the World Series.

Now he’s a Phillie?? You have got to be kidding. Brian Anderson must be quite a player. If not, Ken Williams may be the guy we can’t find next spring.

Maybe the general managers are even having trouble keeping track of who is hot and who is not these days. I know they read the WSJ. But sometimes I wonder if they have access to the Baseball Tonight and MLB.com TV.

Did GM Wayne Krivsky and the new owners of the Reds think that Scott Hatteberg, possibly the nicest guy in the AL, was actually a reincarnation of former Reds first sacker Sean Casey, the nicest guy in the NL? Could there be another explanation for them trying to replace Casey, a vastly superior all-around player to our beloved Hatty, with the former Money Ball poster boy? Talk about a downgrade.

But nothing currently exemplifies the new world of here-today-gone-tomorrow MBA-managed MLB baseball than the mysterious recent saga of the unwanted Heep-Sop Choi. Having been an important part in the WBC only weeks ago of what some commentators are now calling the best baseball club in the world, Team Korea, Choi was waived last week – in favor of first sacker Nomar, who the Red Sox and the Cubs didn’t want – by one of last season’s worst baseball teams, the Dodgers.

He now joins a slightly crowded first base platoon on the rudderless Red Sox comprised of himself, J.T. Snow, and Kevin Youkilis (And don’t forget that Poppy can borrow a glove too). I guess Heep-Sop can just work hard in Boston and wait for the call-up to Korea.

Meanwhile, the Dodgers latest all-new infield permutation, cobbled together in a glittery conglomerate of recycled stars, such as Rafael Furcal (I knew I would find him!), Jeff Kent, Bill Mueller, and Garciaparra, is not likely to last long enough as a unit to make us forget Garvey and company.

By the way, does anyone know what the name of the Coliseum is this year?