Introducing Your 2005 Washington Nationals…

“Don’t get us wrong, I understand the impossibility of running a major league baseball team in Montreal. It’s remarkable the Expos were able to last 10 years in a market where nobody really cared. But let’s set the record straight—the dissolution of the Expos wasn’t due to a lack of fan support.”

“Capitalism isn’t driven by consumers.”

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Check more from Josh at www.baseballpages.blogspot.com“We, the middle and working class, are simply here to grease the machine along with cheap labor. Capitalism is driven by capital. As soon as Major League Baseball became the only sucker willing to plunk down $100 million in chump change for Expos, the Montreal franchise was no more.”

“No owner, no team. Poof!”

“And that is why we are here in DC. Some rich sucker is willing to plunk down a couple hundred mill to own a team in DC. Sure, why not? It’s the largest media market without a major league team, and no, the Maryland Orioles don’t count. Plus, baseball in DC has perks that can’t be offered by other cities.”

“For example…”

“Le Expos had a windfall of great talent over the past twenty years, superstar talent. But, who needs Gary Carter, Andre Dawson, Dennis Martinez, Larry Walker, Pedro Martinez, Felipe and Moises Alou, when you have Congress and the K Street lobby machine? If you want genuine superstars, forget about the guys in the dugout. Go down to the Richard B. Russell Senate Building and by a ticket to see Robert Byrd shake $60 million out of the Interstate Highway budget for the budding metropolis that is West Virginia.”

“Now that’s entertainment.”

“Not only do we have play-ya’s off the diamond that are better than the guys in uniforms, but we have dope uni’s too. Sure, I know what you’re thinking, why do they have to be called the Nat’s for short? Well, they don’t. Listen, we put a big Dub-ya on a blazing red Texas Hill Country hat for a reason. Yup, can’t wait to see Hillary Rodham sporting that bad boy on opening day while rooting on the home team.”

“Let’s Go Dub-yas!”

“Speaking of Dub-ya, we have a rare marketing opportunity with the Nationals. Taking a cue from Artie Moreno and Los Angeles Los Angeles de Anaheim, we could create a dub-ya entente. Sure, drop Nationals, ‘Nats, all that jazz. Just call ‘em the Dub-yas. They could be the Washington Dub-yas of the District of Colombia. Hell, if you wanted to, and wrote a big enough check for the RNC, you could call ‘em the George Washington George Dub-yas of the District of Columbia.”

“Gotta pop in that first George, we wouldn’t want to offend any Federalists in the house.”

“And of course that leads us to RFK Stadium, temporary, though longer than you think, home of the Washington Dub-ya’s. Already, 20,000 season tickets have been snatched up. How long can this momentum last? How long can the people of DC stand to attend games at a, gasp, multipurpose sports venue? Well, we will soon find out. Bad team, antiquated stadium, fickle fans.”

“DC couldn’t possibly fail at baseball a third time could it?”

“Well don’t worry, Bud Selig and the Mayor (I never knew they had a Mayor in DC) have promised a stadium quick-like.”

“Of course quick, everything is resolved quickly and orderly in DC. When suburban white males in Maryland and Virginia clamor for a new downtown ballpark, stuff gets done.”

“Wouldn’t want those folks to take to streets, would we?”